There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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