The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
