I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
