i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
