I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
