I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
