every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
