I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever