Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.