I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.