Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
