Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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