Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
