Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
