You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't deserve a penis
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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