It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
