I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
