she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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