just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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