Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
