He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
