can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
