I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
