he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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