once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
