I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
