Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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