got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
