READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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