We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize