i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
