so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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