I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
