My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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