i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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