Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
