Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
