I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
