my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong