I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?