you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?