I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him āfuck meā eyes during a lecture a few times.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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