my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize