Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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