I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
