and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize