textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
too bad you live with your parents still
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
