i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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