I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
