i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
