Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
