I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
