I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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