apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
