I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
