She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
