i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
