I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're like the curious george of whores
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
