I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
