You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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