He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
