i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
