no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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