Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
