I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Randomize
