im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
