I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
