If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
