btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
