Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
