I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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