foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
