now i know why i became what i already was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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