It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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