i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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