coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my shit smells like andre
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My life is pants optional.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
