i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
