I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
