I think my vagina is haunted
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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