If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I see more hoeing in ur future
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