maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
