He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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