What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
