i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
