I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize