A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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