I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
