the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
