Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
